Typing was just easier..

I hate feeling like im not myself. and latley thats just how im been feeling. to the point that feeling like this has become 'normal' i dunno...i guess im just battling alot of things spiritually right now. and i find my character getting tainted by things like jealousy and selfishness...which is totally out of my character, I am not selfish by any means, but lately my mind has been battling with my personality...and the outcome is this rant..and even though im so surrounded...i feel alone, and thats the sad part, and i guess i coulda just wrote this in my journal cuz its kinda jus a personal 'feeling sorry for myself' spiel...buuut typing was easier i guess.. thinking can be hazardous..food for thought..because i have been thinking and thinking for the past week, and nothing good has come out of it, and my pondering has only made me feel worse of a person...i dunno...i'm tired of a conflicted spirit, i mean, ok we're born in sin right? shaped in iniquity BUT we are birthed for and ONLY to serve God so from the jump we are a conflicted creation, and we have to battle our flesh and spirit in this evil world throughout our lives...right now i feel so out of my own skin its scary. I'm not an angry person, a selfish person, a jealous person, a mean person BUT thats what im facing right now. and being alone and lonely are so far from each other because i have found myself lonely lately, and not alone..not in the least. and i guess to some degree i've always been one to 'hold' certain things in, but i dunno, now i guess i jus feel misunderstood, so voiceing anything would just seem pointless. i guess its jus one of those things...

Psalm 61:2
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.